Marriage and Holiday Stress
January 2nd, 2008 adminMost newlywed couples face one of their earliest challenges of their marriage this time of year – where and with whom to spend the holiday season.
What if his family lives in state but hers lives in Wisconsin? What if there are children from previous relationships? And parents always seem ready to apply that extra pressure to make theirs the holiday celebration of choice.
I have seen the holiday pressure cooker and its impact on couples. While it’s difficult to handle for even seasoned couples, the stress is magnified for newlyweds.
There are family pressures and there often are money pressures too. Couples who take on more than they can handle in either area may face added conflict in their relationship.
There are a number of ways to help ease the stress for new couples during the hectic, pressure-filled holiday season.
Make decisions early
It’s best to decide early and together as a couple how you will celebrate your holidays with your families and each other. How much can you afford to spend as a couple on gifts? Set a budget and stick with it.
I always tell couples the sooner they make a decision the better. This gets everyone on the same page.
I suggested that couples talk to their families early too and let them know what they have decided about how they plan to spend the holidays.
If money is tight, you may talk to the family about buying gifts just for the children in the family or having each family member buy for just one other family member.
I know one young couple came up with a fabulous way to give gifts without adding the stress of debt to their new marriage. They made coupons for family members. One got a couple for one night of babysitting a month for the next year. Another got a coupon for homemade cookies once a month. It was a great way to give a gift from the heart without breaking the budget.
Don’t be afraid to break with tradition
I know many couples who celebrate holidays on days other than their calendar designations, such as having a Thanksgiving dinner the day after or opening gifts on Christmas Eve with one family and Christmas day with the other.
This is great because the focus becomes family getting together rather than the day.
Make your own traditions as a couple
Newlyweds should form their own special holiday traditions that they can build upon. For example, my wife Nancy and I always exchange a gift on Christmas Eve after spending time with our families. It’s been a tradition for 35 years.
Stand together
The most important advice I can give is for couples to present a united front, no matter what their decision.
Her family may be pulling her in one direction and his in another. If they stick together, they can stand strong with the decisions they have made as a couple for themselves and their own personal holiday traditions.
