Preparing for the Marriage of a Lifetime

Questions for Every Couple Before Tying the Knot

admin — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 22:28:06 +0000

Dr. Kim Kimberling goes on KSBI to discuss marriage prep issues including:

Is this the right person?
Is the support of family and friends important?
Sexual desire.
Leaving and cleaving.
The importance of God in the marriage relationship.

Click below to watch the video.

4 Financial Tips During a Struggling Economy

admin — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 20:47:28 +0000

Kim on KFOR

Click play to watch this video.

4 Tips to Keeping a Marriage Strong

admin — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 19:53:29 +0000

Kim on KFOR

Click play to watch this video.

Leading From Your Strengths Conference

admin — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 23:44:48 +0000

God is good! This week I have been in Scotsdale, AZ helping with a “Leading From Your Strengths” Conference. This is the organization that produces the “Marriage Insights Report” that we use in our “Preparing for the Marriage of a Lifetime” course. We are now endorsed by “Leading from Your Strengths” (John Trent and Rodney Cox) as the preparing for marriage course that they recommend. There are people here from 27 states and six foreign countries. We were invited to attend so people could see our pre-marriage materials and how we integrate the Marriage Insights Report and the Couple Checkup within our course. No one else is doing this. As of today our materials are going to be used in England (UK), Australia, Canada, and South Africa. In addition to Oklahoma and Texas, we have added people and churches using our materials from New Jersey, California, Colorado, Tennessee, New Mexico, Georgia, and Washington. All this is in addition to the LifeChurch.tv campuses that are a part of our program. It is exciting to see what God is doing with this. Please keep us in your prayers as we seek to honor Him in everything that we do.

BUILDING BLOCKS TO SEXUAL INTIMACY, PART 1

admin — Mon, 19 May 2008 20:19:56 +0000

Somewhere along the road, God’s beautiful plan for sex got hijacked, and we have been searching for sexual fulfillment ever since. One of our many problems concerning sex is that we search for answers in all the wrong places, and we come away unfulfilled over and over again. So how do we get there? Let’s start with this Biblical premise. God invented sex. The sexual relationship was part of His design. Look at how he created our bodies. A lot has to happen physiologically for sex to occur. It was not some accident that God did not see coming. It was one of His many gifts to us. The problem comes because we want to have it our way and not God’s way. Did you ever ask yourself the question, “Could God really want us to have fun in sex and enjoy it?” The answer is YES!!! So, if there is really this great gift of sex from God out there for us, let’s talk about how to get it by looking at the first building block to sexual intimacy. It is companionship. Real companionship. Not like you and your dog companionship. This is companionship that is built over time with a member of the opposite sex. As you get to know each other better, it begins to happen. It is a depth of knowledge about each other. It embraces both the pretty parts and the ugly parts. You know you have arrived when that person does something that would have made you run away from a relationship in the past. Instead of running, you stay. I remember the first time that happened with me as Nancy and I were dating. I not only did not leave, I did not even think about leaving, and the same happened to her. We knew each other at an incredible depth of openness and transparency, and we both decided to stay. The first building block is when you decide to stay instead of running. You stay because you want to stay. You stay because you want to be with that person and choose to be with that person, no matter what. That is companionship, and it is essential to sex God’s way.

SEXUAL BAGGAGE

admin — Mon, 12 May 2008 20:37:21 +0000

No matter how or where we have been raised, it seems that we all bring sexual baggage into marriage. I grew up during the early years of the “sexual revolution.” For some reason, I believed all the stories that the older guys told in the locker room about their sexual exploits. I had no idea that the new prevailing philosophies about sex were far from God’s design. Nancy was raised with the goal of staying pure till marriage. It was an admirable goal, but she accomplished this by seeing sex as bad and dirty. By the time we got to our wedding night, we were a sexual nightmare.

Honestly, the church has not done a very good job of teaching God’s design either. The Puritans taught that sex was for procreation and procreation only. In other words, have sex but don’t dare enjoy it.

Sex is not just a physical act. It is a oneness and a mystery, and our culture - including the church - is missing that. It touches our soul in an incredible way. Those who have suffered the pain of rape, molestation, or incest will tell you that sex is not just a physical act. If it were, the healing process would not take so long and be so painful. Long after the physical healing is done damage remains. Those who have married one of these victims know the difficult process of emotional healing.

If we remove the relationship aspect, sex becomes just technique and you don’t have to look far to find books, magazines and manuals full of how to improve your love life - and relationship is never mentioned. No matter how good our technique is our culture is still lonely - very lonely. There is more sex in our culture today than ever before, and it is not working. We can all get caught up in this trap, and the consequences are devastating. Somewhere God’s beautiful plan for sex got hijacked, and most of us have just stood by and watched.

God has a plan for sex. You don’t have to read far in the Biblical book Song of Solomon to realize it is much more than procreation. Today we use one word for love. I love my i-phone, Taco Bell, and my wife. The Hebrews painted word pictures that told a story. I want to look at what I believe is God’s plan for sex. It consists of building blocks of intimacy and love, and we will look at the first of these next time.

How to Fight Fair

admin — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 13:58:39 +0000

Communication

admin — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 15:36:12 +0000

Last Wednesday on the Internet LifeChurch.tv “Preparing for the Marriage of a Lifetime” class we talked about communication. There are different types of communication, but no matter whether we are talking about a serious topic or simply in casual conversation, we want to be heard. When we are heard we feel closer to the other person and feel affirmed. When we feel we are not heard, we can feel distant and that what we said was not important to the listener. So, what is our solution? Get away from distractions! Distractions can be the TV, music, kids, books, newspapers - you get the idea. Distractions are anything that interferes with communication. Sometimes the biggest distraction is in our own head. We can think five times faster than someone can talk, so what we do with this extra time is very important. Obviously, there are times we cannot do anything about distractions. We can’t just send the kids off because we need to talk. We may have to wait until they are in bed before we can sit down and communicate. Some distractions are easier to take care of. It may simply mean turning off the TV or putting down the newspaper. The bottom line is this: 1. Communication between couples is essential and has to be a priority. 2. Eliminating distractions sets the stage for good communication and lets the other person know how important they are to you. Last week I asked the class this question, “What is different about the person you are taking this class with than anyone else you ever dated?” If you are in a relationship headed toward marriage, this is a great question to ask. Here are some of the answers I received: “He has a giving spirit.” “I can say anything to her and not be judged.” “He is a believer.” “Trust.” “Complete openness and honesty.” “She listens to my rant.”

What would you say?

Trusting God

admin — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 16:08:03 +0000

Many of us have a difficult time trusting God because we really do not know who He is. We put attributes on God that do not belong. Sometimes our distorted image of God comes from our life experiences. Sometimes it is from wrong teaching. Whatever the source, it keeps us from embracing God and all He has for us. Almost everyone has prayed for something and wondered why God did not answer our prayer. Depending on the situation, this can have a huge impact on us. We may think that God does not really care about us, or that we have made God mad at us, or that God is really not there. Our image of God can be affected by our fathers. If you had a father that was never there for you, or was unpredictable, or was always angry, it may affect the way you look at God. In other words, if our father on earth was not trustworthy, how can we trust God our Father who we have never seen? I would never pretend to understand all about God but let me tell you what I do believe. Number one: God loves us. I accept this because Scripture tells us it is true. Over time I have experienced God’s love in remarkable ways. Sometimes we just need to accept something as true even though we don’t really “feel it.” The feeling will come. I promise you. Number two: God hurts when we hurt. Jesus came in the flesh to live among us. In the thirty-three years of His life he was tortured, whipped, tormented, betrayed, spit on, and ridiculed. He experienced the death of one He loved. He was tempted. Whatever we experience, He has also experienced it. He can identify with us, and so we can turn to Him and know without a doubt that He understands - He deeply understands. Number three: God grieves with us. I do not know why bad things happen to good people. I do not know why God allowed 9/11 or the OKC bombing or Hurricane Katrina. I just do not know. What I do know is that God was and is there to help us through everything that we face. There are those I spent time with after the OKC bombing that would tell each of us that the only way they made it through the aftermath of that horrific event was by letting God in to walk through it with them.Trusting God is an act of faith. Beth Moore says it so well in her study “Believing God.” If my memory is right, she teaches these five affirmations: 1. God is who He says He is. 2. God can do what He says He can do. 3. I am who God says I am. 4. I can do all things through Him. 5. I am believing God. For me, the bottom line is this: When I pray I believe with all my heart, mind, and soul that God can and will answer that prayer - but if He does not, He is still my God and He still loves me. He is God and I am not. In this life I will not understand fully the ways of God, but He never changes. He is worthy of my trust - and yours.

LifeChurch.tv Internet Campus Class

admin — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 22:30:14 +0000

Our first Internet “Preparing for the Marriage of a Lifetime” class began on Wednesday April 2. The class meets at 8 P.M. Central time. The couples are from California, New York, Connecticut, Texas, and Oklahoma. I am excited about this class and what God is going to do with it and in the lives of these couples. One thing I see already is a willingness to be transparent that I have not seen in our weekend or eleven-week classes. I really think these couples will go deeper in their relationship than most couples do in our other formats. This class seems to provide a “safe” venue for couples to be more open. Last Wednesday we looked at Biblical Roles and then asked the question, “What barriers do you see in becoming the husband or wife that God intends you to be?” Here are some of our responses: some of the women shared that it might be difficult to let their husbands lead - especially those who had been in a relationship where the male abused this role or if they had been single and self sufficient for some time. We talked about God equipping us for these roles and that it is impossible for us to fulfill the role without God’s help. For some it is difficult to trust God. God has been misrepresented to many of us, and so the idea of trusting Him can be very frightening. Some of the men expressed their concerns of not knowing how to lead. Overall some very important issues were brought up. I want to begin to address some of these as we begin to work through them. That is what we will do next time.